“Fuckin’ Jewboy”

I had no aural human contact this morning until I left my building shortly before noon to go to Pilates. But I’ve gotta tell you — the wait was worth it. The first “live” soundwaves to reach me (this is, of course, discounting those from “Live With Regis and Kelly”) were these:

The argument is, that he’s a fuckin’ Jewboy!

This brilliance sputtered from the disdainful lips of a chubby, stubby, stubbly malcontent, toward his taller companion, who offered no response. I could only hope that the companion was “secretly” Jewish and will somehow, later, seek revenge on the squat Anti-Semitic.

It’s happened with me before. I’ll be in the company of people who don’t know that I Am A Jew, and one of them will offer similar clever words of wisdumb like those uttered by the aforementioned cretin. Although my first impulse is to vigorously insert my foot in the offender’s mouth, or perhaps even to bend his own foot backwards at a painful angle in order to insert it there, I am a firm believer of not sinking to the level of the offender. Instead, I stand stone-faced while the others either laugh or nervously titter. I also find that raising my right eyebrow slightly (a trademark I share with Sean Connery) gets my point across rather effectively. One time, I did advise the offender (all right, I’m going to stop being politically correct and just calls ’em as I sees ’em and from hereinafter refer to “the offender” as “the ignorant motherfucker”) that I was, indeed, “a Jew”, and, rather than indicate embarrassment or any sort of remorse via apology, the ignorant motherfucker (ahhh, that feels much better) said, “Oh. I thought you were Italian.” As if I were Italian, I wouldn’t be offended by his remarks.

In my eyes, there are only two kinds of people in the world: Assholes and Non-Assholes. Not to sound too Rainbow Coalition, but I don’t give a damn if you’re black, white, gay, straight, male, female, Italian, Jewish, or you prefer Jay Leno over David Letterman. It just doesn’t matter to me. What does matter, however, is if some random asshole decides to show the rest of us just how much of one he can be.