Inexpensive > > > Cheap

Anyone who spends any amount of time in drugstore aisles (and c’mon, admit it, it’s actually kind of fun in a creepy way) has no doubt seen those “Imposter” perfumes — cheaper versions of expensive “designer” “fragrances”. A typical pitch goes something like this: “If you love Red Door, you’ll love Pink Portal” … or “If you love Obsession, you’ll love Crazed Stalker”. Well, today when I was at Bloomie Nail, selecting a successor for the highly successful Wicked of last Wednesday (yes, one week later I still couldn’t take my eyes off my hands), I thought that the same concept could easily be applied (pun not intended, but I’ll take it) to nail polish. To that end, I offer you, my pretties, the following list of actual nail polish names (Essie&#174) with my suggestion for a less expensive variation. I trust you’ll be able to tell which names are real and which ones are the fabulous fakes.

  • Backgammon Bronze > > > Strip Poker Pewter
  • Brownie Points > > > Casting Couch
  • Buy Me a Cameo > > > No Good Golddigger
  • Chips No Potato > > > Chips Fat Hips
  • Fed Up > > > Pissed
  • Fine Red Wine > > > Keg Dregs
  • French Francs > > > Everyone’s Euro
  • Glorious Glow > > > Freshly Fucked
  • In the Mood > > > Do Me Already Before I Change My Mind
  • Intimate > > > One Call, If You’re Lucky
  • Long Stem Roses > > > Prick
  • Mademoiselle > > > Spinster
  • Overnight > > > Whore (formerly One Night Stand)
  • Tea and Crumpets > > > Sunny D and Pop Tarts