What’s in a name?

What’s in a name?
I dunno. A chewy nougat center?
Check this out, courtesy of a yet another website where I could easily waste a lot of time (so what else is new?).

Joooooookkkyyyy

The name of Joooooookkkyyyy creates a quick, analytical, and clever mind; you are creative, versatile, original, and independent. You have large ambitions, and it is difficult for you to be tolerant and understanding of those who desire less in life or who are more slow and methodical by nature. Patience is not your forte. You do, however, have leadership ability and would never be happy in a subservient position. You are ambitious and aggressive by nature. You would be happiest in positions where you are free to express individually and creatively and where opportunities are not restricted; you desire freedom, and do not tolerate being possessed by others. You appreciate change and travel, and the opportunity to meet and mix with others, and to influence them with your creative ideas. You are very self-confident and feel you can accomplish anything you set out to do, and you can, although, this name does not allow proper completion of undertakings, and forced changes cause financial losses and bitter experiences. This name also creates caustic expression and moods which prevent harmony and happiness in close association. When under strain, tension could affect the stomach and solar plexus. There is a tendency for you to worry.

This describes me so much better than my own name. The one bit that would have made milk come out my nose had I been drinking it (milk, not my nose) (I hate milk, though) (I’m unsure about my nose), is this:

You have a serious desire to understand the heart and mind of everyone, and could be very effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way.

(If you know what this reference — “Working with with Audrey Hepburn to save the lives of countless Third World children” — well, refers to, then you know just how laughable this really is.)
I think I should seriously consider changing my name to Joooooookkkyyyy. (It’s so … koooooookkkyyyy!) I know it’s a boy’s name, but then again, so is the one I have now, and who’s gonna know the difference? Besides, I could always change the “y”s to “i”s, to girl it up!
All in favor … raise your Hans!