Attention, Red-Handed Pepper Pilferer

All right … Whoever swiped the big chunk of red bell pepper that was left over after I chopped the rest of it earlier this week on that rare occasion when I actually cooked something, please return it? I know it’s gotta be wizened and slimy by now, but still. One minute it was on the cutting board, and the next it was gone. I rummaged through the kitchen trashcan; checked the freezer, toilet tank, and linen closet; and took homespun X-rays of both the dog and the cat, but to no avail. So whoever took it, just give it back. I won’t ask any questions. Thank you.