I’m sure by now that those of you who poke around on other people’s personal sites are familiar with “The Mirror Project”. And quite a few of you have probably seen links to something called “The Foot Project”. (I’m not going to link to them, kidz. You can find them yourselves if you put 1/8 of an ounce [or its metric equivalent] of energy into doing a simple search.)
I participate in neither, and don’t plan to do so either. It’s not that I have anything against mirrors; in fact, I tend to check myself out in any and all reflective surfaces, including spoons, puddles, and other people’s sunglasses. I do, however, have a “thing” about — or should I say against — feet, because most of those that I’ve seen displayed should only be viewed in the privacy of their owners’ own homes with the shades drawn, if at all.
My own feet, I must proudly admit, are really quite lovely. But still, I have no desire to share them with the cyberworld at large. If you really want to see my toes, then visit me. We’ll have lunch, we’ll get some good iced coffee, we’ll hang in the park, and I’ll wear one of my many pairs of stunningly stylish sandals. But ask me to take a picture of them and have them posted on someone else’s site? No thanks. I’ll pass.
I have decided, however, that I don’t want to be a total spoilsport. I’ve decided that if I won’t join in the voyeuristic/exhibitionistic fun on other people’s sites, I’ll be enterprising myself and start my own Project. (It’s important to have a hobby — and this ship-in-a-bottle nonsense isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.) So I happily, and with more than just a smidgeon of pride, introduce you to my Project, and heartily invite you to participate.
I’m calling my endeavor The Hole Picture. And what I want from you is this (and please bear with me, as the details of this vast undertaking are still in their pupal state): Send me a picture of your most cherished hole. Yes, that’s right. Hole. It can be a golf hole, a clothing hole, a pothole, a hole in my bucket dear Liza dear Liza, or even an orifice. Have fun. Be creative. But don’t be an asshole. And don’t send me pictures of yours to prove you are one.
I know that by asking for this, I may be really “asking for it”. And I know that I’m bound to receive some pretty asinine submissions. But believe me, a lack of originality submerged in banal juvenility won’t phase me. Or shock me. I won’t think it’s cute. I won’t acknowledge you or your submission. I won’t even do you the honor of excoriating you on this site. I will only delete your submission posthaste and immediately, if not sooner, and it will find its way into the Black Hole of the universe and nowhere near the jodiverse.