Bulletin Board

M E M O R A N D U M
TO:

Stumpy Jackass Who Flung A Lit Cigarette Butt Behind Yourself Onto The Sidewalk, Which, Had It Scorched Me, Would Have Resulted In The Butt Being Shoved Up Yours
Woman In Huge Hat Who Somehow, Despite Petiteness Of Frame, Managed To Block Everyone Else From Passing You In The Middle Of The Supermarket By Moving More Slowly Than An Arthritic Snail On Lithium
Petite Woman With Wimpy Wheelie-Cart Thing Who Took Up The Entire Sidewalk On Sixth Avenue (Perhaps The Supermarket Woman’s Twin Sister)
Chick With Cell Phone Who Didn’t Have The Decency To End Your Riveting Conversation Before Entering The Pilates Studio
Two Doofi Unfortunately Clad In Patterned Short-Sleeved Shirts With Knit Collars (Thank You Men’s Wearhouse) Who Insisted On Conversing Loudly Across Two Lines Of People Waiting For Cashiers At Whole Foods
Woman In Condiment Aisle At Whole Foods Who Stood Transfixed By The Variety On Display As If You Just Arrived From Russia Even Though Your New York Accent Revealed Otherwise
Hideous, Misshapen Loser With Horrid Posture Who Cut Ahead Of Others When A Newly Available Cashier At CVS Said, “Next In Line”, Despite The Fact That The Rest Of Us Had Been Waiting Longer Than You Had

From:    Me
Re:      News Flash


Contrary to what you obviously and obliviously think, you are not the only person on the planet.
Please make a note of it.
/j
cc:     Everyone On 23rd Street