How may I help you?

I’m glad to see that I can satisfy the public’s need for the answer to the most pressing issue of modern-day life.
Look no further. I’m here to serve.
(But really, I’m more interested in where I can get the “best price” for it on DealTime. And I know that most of you are even more interested in the other site found by this search. I mean, who among us isn’t titillated by the mere thought of “gapingpussy”? Can I see a show of hands — at least those that are above the table?)