M E M O R A N D U M
FROM: Track 12
RE: Passed Over and Pissed Off!!!
I’ve had it with you! I’m so fucking sick and tired of the way you purposely skip over me every time my number comes up on the display of that stupid off-brand CD player you take with you to the gym. (And really, who buys a red CD player, anyway? Do you think it’s cute that it matches your wallet? Knowing you, you probably do!!!)
You know something? I didn’t ask to be included on that retarded CD you “burned”. Frankly, I’m thoroughly revolted that just this morning you chose to listen to Track 9 (“I Think I Love You” by the Patridge Family) instead of me! And what’s up with “I Need A Hero” by Bonnie Tyler? Come on! What is wrong with you? What did I ever do to you to make you treat me this way? Didn’t I get you through many a sweaty, tortured ride on the stationary bike a couple of years ago?
Remember how excited you were when you actually bought me and a few of my closest friends on our CD for the express purpose of keeping you company while you pedalled furiously? And remember how thrilled you were when, after you lost that CD, you found me on Kazaa and giddily downloaded me? (It would’ve been nice if you’d downloaded a few of the other guys that you lost on that CD, but I’m not surprised. It’s too much to ask, I know!!!) Well, where’s that excitement now?
Are you even listening to me now?!
I hope your batteries run out when you’re only five minutes into your next cardio workout, you ingrate, so you’re stuck having to watch infomercials for “The FIRM” or VH1’s “Behind the Music” featuring Destiny’s Child instead. It would serve you right!
And no, don’t try to make it up to me by playing me ten times back to back tomorrow. Or putting me on your asinine “website”!!!
I have your number, even if you ignore MINE!
P.S. You looked fat today. I mean, more than usual.