Movie Pass

I’m so excited. So thrilled I can barely contain myself. I haven’t been this titillated since promotions for “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood” flooded every available TV commercial break with all the preternatural superforce of a tsunami. Oh how I cherish sentimental, manipulative pap! Hurrah for manufactured celebrations of Woman Energy!
And now I’m all a-tingle with anticipation for the latest Hollywood “gal pal” effort, “The Banger Sisters”, in theaters this Friday.
Oh look. A pair of old friends who, once inseparable as rock-and-roll groupies, now, 20 years later, couldn’t be more opposite if they tried. The one who remains the same — the cooler, hipper, funkier of the two (Goldie Hawn, struggling to retain her perky girlishness but coming off as a desperate, washed-out version of her radiant real-life daughter, Kate Hudson) — suffers some sort of crisis and then seeks the help of her old friend (Susan Sarandon), who has since mellowed into a staid suburban shell of her former bad girl self.
Gee. What do you think will be the biggest challenge? Goldie (“Suzette”) convincing Susan (“Lavinia”) (why why why?) she needs to snap out of her conservative lifestyle and undergo a makeover and then, of course, giving her one, which consists of chopping off her hair, painting her face, and painting her into rocker-chick chic leather pants? Or Goldie and Susan convincing us that they’re only old enough to have teenage daughters? Or someone convincing me that this tripe will last in theaters past the end of October?