Ransom Note

Dear Faithful Readers:
Everything is fine. I am being treated well. My captors are very nice.
I am safe. I will be kept out of danger as long as you comply with their demands:

  • a non-expirable Macy’s gift certificate in the amount of $1,500,000

  • one foot-long Italian hoagie (a/k/a “sub” or “hero”) with oil and no mayo, small bag of WOW! chips
  • one smoked turkey on rye (with seeds) with romaine (NO TOMATO or mayo or I die) and stoneground mustard, small bag of Baked Lays (barbecue)
  • one toasted “everything” bagel piled high with Nova lox, a shmear of cream cheese, and a slice of Vidalia onion, with pickled herring on the side
  • One case of Diet Mountain Dew
  • One 2-liter bottle of Frank’s Black Cherry Wishniak soda

Leave everything at the northwest corner of 34th and Fifth Avenue at 8:00 this evening, or you’ll never see me or my site again.
P.S. Also bring me a big iced cofffat8798oeiogualueiyeuyHELPdaiufpdufpuMduapfudufPLEASE;dkfjadf;akfj9d