Who’s the Crumb???

What the — !?
Who the — ??!?
Where the — ?!!?!??!
No! No! NO!!!!!
Oh, this is great! Just great! I had something really fabulous for you today. Something as scrumptious as it was gorgeous. (Not one of those raging disappointments that looks better than it tastes.) Something absolutely exquisite!
So where is it!? I don’t know. That’s what I’d like to know. I took it out of its box an hour ago, when I got back from the gym. Ran back here to do a few things. When I returned to the kitchen ten minutes later, it wasn’t there! It vanished!
It’s gone. GONE! And all that’s left are the crumbs you see.
This is beautiful. Just fucking beautiful! I’d like to know where the hell it is, and who took it. And why!
Bobby? Cindy? Greg? Marcia? Peter?
Who’s the greedy, filthy, selfish slob?
I’m waiting …
Well, I’m sorry, everyone. I don’t know what to tell you. I really have nothing else here to offer. So please accept this, with my apologies.