Bears Repeating

Sometimes I leave comments on other people’s sites that I think bear repeating out of context. I present to you three comments I’ve left in the past few days that were, of course, pertinent to the posts to which they were appended but which I think can stand on their own two feet:

  • I purposely linger in the restroom when I sense that someone’s holding out and waiting for me to leave. I love knowing that her bladder is ready to burst and three gallons of pee are about ready to stream from her eyes like tears.

  • Help me. I feel faint. Two of my least favorite words in the entire English language in one post. And not just in one post but juxtaposed into a phrase that makes me retch. “Vaginal discharge”.
    Thank god you didn’t include my runner-up least favorite two-word phrase of all time: “Sensible shoes”.
    We’d be talkin’ cardiac arrest, if so.
    I have to lie down.

  • Tofu, of course! It comes in its own box.
    (Yes, that sounds salacious.)

Note: If by “bears repeating” you thought I meant this, you are definitely in the wrong place.