En Route to Philadelphia Area
Number of:
- People at Penn Station (excluding me and the DOG): 16,422,019
- Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 16,422,019
- Who needed to acquaint themselves with soap: 1,800,247
- Who bumped into me: 13,011,582
- Whom I directly and loudly addressed as “asshole”: 1
- People on the train to Trenton: N/A
- People at Trenton train station: 10,822
- Who stuffed their faces at Roy Rogers: 4,125
- Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 10,822
At Mom and Dad’s
Number of:
- People at the house (including me and the DOG): 6
- Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 1
- Times I described turkey as “carnage”: 82
- Servings of string bean casserole I had: 520
Amount of:
- Fun I had: scads!
On Way Home to New York
Number of:
- People at Trenton train station: 7,104
- Who said to me, “Kiss my ass”: 1
- Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 1
- Who said to me, “Kiss my ass”: 1
- People at Penn Station: 521
- Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 0
- Whose deaths I couldn’t fantasize about facilitating because I was still stewing over the one bastard who said to me, “Kiss my ass” at Trenton train station: 521
- Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 0
Home Sweet Home
Number of:
- Times I hugged my cat and dog: Still counting
- Times I’ve actually given “thanks” for being back here: Still counting
- Ways I’ve come up with to facilitate the death of Mr. Kiss-My-Ass: Still counting