Wanksgiving Statistics

En Route to Philadelphia Area
Number of:

  • People at Penn Station (excluding me and the DOG): 16,422,019

    • Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 16,422,019

    • Who needed to acquaint themselves with soap: 1,800,247
    • Who bumped into me: 13,011,582
      • Whom I directly and loudly addressed as “asshole”: 1
  • People on the train to Trenton: N/A
  • People at Trenton train station: 10,822
    • Who stuffed their faces at Roy Rogers: 4,125

    • Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 10,822

At Mom and Dad’s
Number of:

  • People at the house (including me and the DOG): 6

    • Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 1
  • Times I described turkey as “carnage”: 82
  • Servings of string bean casserole I had: 520

Amount of:

  • Fun I had: scads!

On Way Home to New York
Number of:

  • People at Trenton train station: 7,104

    • Who said to me, “Kiss my ass”: 1

      • Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 1
  • People at Penn Station: 521
    • Whose deaths I dreamed of facilitating: 0

      • Whose deaths I couldn’t fantasize about facilitating because I was still stewing over the one bastard who said to me, “Kiss my ass” at Trenton train station: 521

Home Sweet Home
Number of:

  • Times I hugged my cat and dog: Still counting

  • Times I’ve actually given “thanks” for being back here: Still counting
  • Ways I’ve come up with to facilitate the death of Mr. Kiss-My-Ass: Still counting