sign outside church at 29th and Fifth, where LIZA was married!

“I have no desire to travel.”
A friend actually said this to me a while ago. He’s never set foot (or hand, or ass, or any other part of his body) outside this country. His travel within this one has been limited to that which is necessary for his career, but it hasn’t been extensive.

He may as well have told me he had no desire to eat or breathe or watch a three-day Brady Bunch marathon-a-gogo on TVLand while indulging in Chinese food, cocooned in flannel pajamas and an almost illegally soft down comforter!
I just don’t get it. I can understand if someone hasn’t travelled because he is paid minimum wage and every penny he earns has to go toward making sure his three kids and wife are fed, clothed, and have a place they can call home. I can understand if a person is so damned ugly that he rarely leaves his house, and when he does, he wraps himself in gauze because he would prefer that little kids think of him as a funny scary mummy rather than stare and point at his hideous, contorted gnome face. But to have no desire to travel at all? I’m not gettin’ it.
Someone else told me he really didn’t see the need to go to Europe because he could always go to … Busch Gardens. And he meant it. No doubt he thinks the fine folks at Olive Garden serve up some damn fine authentic Eye-talian food too.
Saint Augustine of Hippo (speaking of which, I am in love with this) said, “The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page.” Well, yeah. I agree, Mr. Saint Augustine, even if your quote sounds like something Nellie Schwenk of Anytown, U.S.A. sent in to Reader’s Digest in order to receive $25.
Here’s the part where a lesser girl would continue the limp book analogy and tell you to read voraciously. But since I’m not that kind of girl, I’m just saying, Get out there. Do some travelin’, man.
P.S. Looking at pretty color pixtures of other countries on this here internet isn’t the same thing as actually visiting them. Really. That’s like, well, jerking off while wearing Playtex gloves. (The nice yellow kind.)
Travel back in time: One year ago today.
Mini-Update (10:21 a.m.): I just realized that I’m retarded. I included a link to a rhino, when I was talking about St. Augustine of Hippo. Rhino. Hippo. Same thing. Duh.