Just so you know …

… I don’t give a hoot/damn/fuck about football, so I couldn’t care less about yesterday’s Super Bowl. I don’t care who won. I don’t care about the famous hilarious commercials. (“They’re the best part of the game!”) The only part of the whole shebang that I saw at all was Shania Twain (pretty lady lip-synching in an ugly outfit!) and Gwen Stefani (spare me the Madonna-wannabe and accompanying bizarre cheerleaders). As soon as I saw/heard Sting, I had to leave the room. (It’s not nice to vomit in front of your dog; it just puts ideas in his head.)
And just so you know … YOU did not win the game, Happy Tampa Fans. So I don’t want to hear any of this “we won” nonsense. You did not win. The team you cheered for until your temples throbbed did, but you, personally, did not. If you weren’t at the game, you slouched on a stunning plaid sofa or slumped in a hideous easy chair, stuffing buffalo wings down your gullet, dipping chips and crackers into a disgusting concoction (shaped to look like a football!) that someone brought to the party, guzzling beer, belching, and cursing. If you were actually at the game, you did the same thing but outdoors and with even worse food. That’s all.
Oh, and by the way, stop calling today “Super Bowl Monday”. This isn’t Easter.
It’s over now. Touchdown. Woohoo. Whatever. Enough.