Slacking Off

This morning, while discussing important world news and current events with a terribly fabulous friend, our conversation veered, as all of our conversations inevitably do, to pants. This time, however, it wasn’t just folly that led us astray. You see, he recently made a purchase that shocked mine right off (literally!). His choice was about as aberrant as if I were to buy, for example, a pair of sensible shoes (two words that should never appear in that juxtaposition or even in the same sentence) or a bottle of bleu cheese salad dressing.
So when he revealed to me several days ago that he’d bought some variety of sweat pants (and I wholeheartdly share his philosophy and disdain for such garments as a sartorial option), I was not only shocked but also led down Memory Lane (it’s down near Little West 12th Street, where all the streets get twisty and confusing) to a Sunday in the Sporting Club in Philadelphia.
On that Sunday, a 40s-ish woman came into the gym in her best (or what I’m assuming had to be her best, given that it was a Sunday and it was “after church” time) black slacks and matching jacket, some sort of blouse, and nondescript mid-heel pumps. I didn’t give her a second glance (because really, I wouldn’t have been caught on my worst Wednesday in her Sunday best) until she did something that begged for my attention and immediate disbelief. And, OK, a fair amount of disdain.
No, she didn’t talk to me, hand me a copy of Watchtower, or try to sell me Avon products. What she did was get on an elliptical trainer and proceed to do an entire cardio workout. In the very clothes that she had just prayed in. In the very clothes that, afterward, she would no doubt be wearing as she enjoyed her short stack of delicious pancakes at the IHOP several blocks up Walnut Street.
Now, that activity in and of itself wasn’t the most appalling aspect of the entire episode. What was was that I just know the pantsuit (slacksuit) wasn’t even made of a revolutionary breathable fabric that instantly wicks away moisture.
What was she thinking?