Happy P-Day

Damn those dead Presidents. Damn them and their mattress sales. I can’t believe people think they have to reserve their mattress-buying for one specified day a year. Don’t they know that if they truly love mattresses, they won’t care if they’re on sale? That if they truly love mattresses, they’ll willingly pay full retail price?
Some of us don’t CARE if it’s Presidents Day. Some of us are happy on our old mattresses. Some of us don’t need new mattresses to make ourselves feel worthy and special.
And damn those mattress commercials too. All those happy couples smiling at the prospective purchases. Don’t these mattress companies know that they make single people feel really bad for not having someone to share that mattress with?