Listen, I don’t mind if you hate me because I’m beautiful, but don’t hate me because I have great hamentaschen and you don’t, all right? And please don’t be jealous because I live within walking distance of Moishe’s, one of the City’s only remaining “old school” Jewish bakeries, and you don’t!

And hey, if you do live in the City, I heartily encourage you to patronize places like Moishe’s rather than some hoity-toity “café” where the pastries are as light and fluffy and sincere as the people eating them with extended pinkies. You won’t be surrounded by the excruciatingly hip but by someone who’s probably broken one.
P.S. Yes, I am aware of the vaguely erotic appearance of this hamentasch!