Inappropriate Simile

As anyone who knows me at all can attest, I’m not the bastion of propriety or political correctness. I frequently use what is commonly deemed “foul language” (but only in appropriate situations, of course), and I can’t stand when people get bogged down in nitpicky arguments over semantics. However, one thing that really irks me is the way people employ inappropriate simile to describe horrific events. (I’m not a big fan of simile anyway, but that’s another story. Maybe for another time. But probably not, so don’t get too excited.)
For instance, during the Gulf War, newscasters were fond of saying that the night sky “lit up like a Christmas tree”. What the fuck? Last time I looked, Christmas trees were, like, pretty ‘n’ stuff. Tacky, yes, in some instances, but the general impression most people get from Christmas trees in all their tinselly, twinkly-light enthusiasm is one of celebration. So how does that translate into destructive forces shattering the sky?
And now, this morning, during a newscast concerning the nightclub fire in West Warwick, Rhode Island, someone being interviewed (I think it was Jack Russell of Great White, the band playing at the club last night) said that when the back wall of the club went up in flames, it was “like the Fourth of July”. Hmmm. I don’t know. Isn’t the Fourth of July a happy holiday? Isn’t it, like Christmas, a day that people generally celebrate? The last time I looked, fireworks were kinda pretty (although annoying) and an element of the day’s celebration. Unless, of course, Mr. Russell was referring to people who cause fires by improperly using fireworks. Which I doubt.
Come on, you cretins. Think. Please. I know it’s excruciating to do, but I suggest you try. Try to come up with something just a liiiiiiiittle more appropriate. Something less … festive. I want to see that little cartoon lightbulb hovering just above your head!