When I was a youngster, someone I knew with a pool had a sign or a mat that said Welcome To Our Ool. You will notice there is no P in it. Please keep it that way.
I think I marvelled over that ingenuity for three weeks, or maybe three months. Actually, I think I’m still marvelling over it. Years later I saw similar signs displayed by churches — not admonishing about pee, of course (heaven forbid!), but saying something along the lines of, “CHRCH. The only thing missing is U.” I marvelled over that for a while too, but it didn’t delight me as much as the pool/pee/P sign/mat.
So, anyway. Pee. Today I realized that there’s a great injustice going on with the water/pee correlation. Seems the more you drink, the more you go. And I just want to go on the record as saying that it’s just not fair that those of us who drink so much water should have to pee so much. We should be rewarded for our healthy habit by not having to go so much. As I said to the DOG this morning (he’s always delighted by my notions, of course), “People who don’t drink water should be the ones who pee 100 times a day. They should be the ones punished by having to run to the bathroom constantly! I deserve to be rewarded, not penalized!!!”
I felt positively evangelical. It was quite enlightening.
It’s important to have a cause, and this is mine.
P.S. Yes, “penalized” is pronounced with a long “E”. (Hey, I don’t like it either, but that’s just the way it goes.)
N.B.:  Ordinarily I don’t like to mention bodily functions, let alone actually address them. However, I will never write about the mechanics or experience of actually performing the functions. In no fewer than two BLOGS this week has someone not only addressed but gone into revolting detail about, well, let’s just say secondary bathroom habits. Here, more than ever, my standard reply applies. “Feh. Kaka.”