TO:  Joe

FROM:  Jodi

RE:  Pungency Emergency

As if your attitude weren’t offensive enough to force me to regard you with about as much fondness as I have for gum chewers and litterers, you had to do yourself one better, didn’t you, and prove that not only can you disgrace yourself by way of your pitiful lack of social grace but by your obvious lack of physical hygiene as well.
Simply stated, your attitude is not the only thing that stinks.
How is it, Joe, that you managed to offend my olfactory nerve this morning before you even started your lame trot on the treadmill just to my left? Why is it, Joe, that your flesh reeked of the kind of sweat that one would ordinarily encounter oozing from the pores of someone who has just completed an Ironman competition outdoors in the Hawaiian heat and not just a paltry twelve seconds on a treadmill indoors in a New York City gym?
While I do appreciate that you apparently do not apply cologne or any other sort of scent before coming to the gym, I would appreciate if, when you wake up, you smell not only the coffee but your own fetid underarms (?) before heading out the door.
Please make a note of it.