Ear you go!

It’s never too late to start your Christmas shopping, and I have just the hot ticket for all you early birds out there who really do deserve the worm and whose family and friends only deserve the best. Check out these snappy little doodads, and at such a good price:
Tasteful satin display!

This luxury item reminds me of the scene in one of my all-time favorite movies, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, where Holly and Paul, with $10 burning in their pockets, dash to Tiffany’s, and the salesman suggests a marvelous little sterling silver telephone dialer.
Why use your own indelicate finger when a delicate implement designed exclusively for the activity is available at your fingertips? Indeed! Although cotton swabs (or Q-Tips®, for those who enjoy using trademarked names as generics) serve the same purpose, you just don’t get the same elegant effect from swabbing your ears as you do from scooping them (see the melon-baller-esque tip). And as everyone who’s anyone knows, it’s not just what you do, but how you do it.

Note: &nbspPlease excuse the less than stellar quality of this photo, which was taken surreptitiously.
Item available at Pearl River Mart, 477 Broadway
(as of this afternoon, by the cash register downstairs)
Grab your personal Paul and hurry, Holly! Hurry!