Five Things Mrs. Hoffnagle Would Rather You Not Tell Mr. Hoffnagle, Dear (Thank You)

  1. Roy, the butcher, didn’t really tell her her eyes “danced”.

  2. The homemade cole slaw he loves so much and for which she won an award at the county fair? Store-bought in neighboring Coulton County.
  3. She did so make tapioca pudding yesterday afternoon, but she ate all of it by herself in a frenzy while watching Oprah give away nice things to an audience made up of people who looked like they weren’t really needy. She even licked her bowl and used her fingers.
  4. She put that scorch mark on the cuff of his favorite white shirt on purpose.
  5. The Dawsons are coming for dinner on Friday, so there will be no pizza.