I used to work in an office where some of the ladies thought it was beneath them to flush after they availed themselves of the toilets. The office manager, in response to this indelicacy (which I, of course, brought to her attention), composed and printed out signs that she taped to the inside of each stall’s door. The signs were decorated with a lovely floral motif and the message was polite. In a delicate font, they gently reminded the fair flowers to kindly remember to flush, thank you. I went into her office and told her I thought the signs were a nice touch, but that perhaps she should have worded them to fit the crime. My suggestion was this: YO! FUCKIN’ FLUSH!
She laughed at my suggestion and said that was the tone she really wanted to use, but because she had to at least put on a respectable front, she had to go with the gentle reminders instead. She was a marvelous office manager, and actually had a sense of humor and a fantastic sense of style, so of course she didn’t last long in the staid atmosphere in which she was employed. But while she was there, she did what she could to make sure things ran smoothly.
I always loathed these gentle reminders for people to do things that are so basic and that should have become second nature by the time they reached age five. Even more than the simple messages, I detested those that rhymed, a la IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE, PLEASE BE NEAT AND WIPE THE SEAT. But then again, I suppose that when you’re dealing with infants who have to be told to do this, it helps if there’s a singsong quatrain that they can retain. If a catchy tune could be associated with it, then that would have helped too, of course.
So today when I was in the ladies room at the gym, I came upon a situation that hasn’t been addressed yet by these sweet signs. A while ago, I wrote about a vomitous odor at the gym. However, it wasn’t until today that I saw evidence of its origin.
This incident prompted me to come up with these two signs:
I plan to present these signs to the Equinox management personnel tomorrow morning and offer them free of charge for posting in the ladies room. Will I actually do it? Oh, bulimia will!
P.S. Feel free to print these signs out and use them in your own workplace! Consider it my gift to you.