The following are two small, seemingly insignificant items that I’ve been meaning to touch on (but only touch on, not fully massage or otherwise manipulate in a massage-like manner), but never got around to touching because I’m too busy touching the lives of many, many people with my travelling tapdance/puppet show. But now that I’m on hiatus, I have a spare moment to share them with you. So without further fanfare, here they are:

1. When someone’s name is followed by the initials of their professional title, it is not necessary to precede his name with the title as well. For example, “Dr. Filbert Snappersoup, M.D.” is redundant. Use “Filbert Snappersoup, M.D.” to indicate he is a medical doctor, or use “Dr. Filbert Snappersoup”. Tip: If he is a chiropractor, use the latter option to lend an air of respectability.
2. When you want to indicate whether the time of day you’re referring to is before noon or after noon, all that is needed is the appendage of “a.m.” (or “AM”*) or “p.m.” (or “PM”**). Writing “Satan will appear for a book signing this morning at 10:00 a.m.” is incorrect. Either leave off “this morning” or omit the “a.m.” Please note, however, that either way, this is factually incorrect, as everyone knows that Satan never rolls out of bed before noon.

Thank you for your time.
* Not to be confused with “Auntie Mame”
** Not to be confused with “Prime Minister” or “Peter Maxx”