I hate talk about the weather. Hate. Huhhhuhhhaaaauhhhhuuhhhaaaaaaate. Yes, it is cold. Yes, I see the snow. Yes, I see the ice. I do. I also see the calendar, my pets, which indicates that it is January. So really, the cold and ice and snow that you find so remarkable is really not noteworthy. Barring tragedy to you and yours, of course. I mean, I am not so heartless as to lack compassion for you, yours, and theirs if any of them happened to fall prey to death as a result of a weather-related occurrence.
I just have one little thing to say about this pesky ice business before I retire for the evening. And that is this: Why does everyone salt their sidewalks? I can understand if you live in, like, England or Nebraska, where they’re not exactly known for their haute cuisine, but here in this country, the so-called melting pot, and especially in this city, where every possible food anyone could ever want is readily available, we can certainly do a little better. That’s why every morning when I go out to shovel the sidewalks of Broadway, I sprinkle a different variety of seasoning on them. Here is what I have contributed thus far:
- Saturday: Paprika
- Sunday: Turmeric
- Monday: Caraway seed
- Tuesday: Fenugreek? Rice-A-Roni® Spanish Rice seasoning pack? (We’ll see how I feel in the morning!)
I must say, this not only adds a dash of color to the bland icy pavement, but also a much needed zesty flavor that my clients love licking off my boots!