Coming Clean

I must come clean.
(Oops,) I did it again. I retract this statement, however, in light of yesterday’s magnificent purchase, which was delivered this morning.*
“Stop tripping over that cord when you vacuum,” the Bed Bath & Beyond copy chides or predicts. Obviously their copywriter focused on the bland obstacles facing ordinary users of this sort of equipment. I suggest that when an individual logs onto a website, a more personally tailored paragraph greets her instead. To wit:

Never shred, fray, or otherwise destroy another cord again, Jodi, you inept (but beautiful!) jackass! Why don’t you just hire a housekeeper already, anyway, and be done with it? You can barely empty the dishwasher without suffering an aneurysm. You don’t know how to hold a broom. Oh, and blowing dust off of bookshelves hardly constitutes dusting.[**] Who do you think you’re kidding?

In other news, the vacuum cleaner is blue and quite lightweight. I am quite lightweight too, but no longer blue, now that I can vacuum in style! I have to wait until tomorrow to do so, though, because the battery pack is charging. As for me, well, I’m all charged with anticipation!
P.S. I’m off to read the little booklet now. I love the little booklets.
* Kudos to Bed Bath & Beyond for the speedy delivery service. They said they’d be here between 8 and 11 this morning, and at 8:10, the vacuum cleaner was in my apartment!
** Speaking of dusting, the Micro Fiber™ Miracle Cloths shown under “Related Items” on the BBB website are fantastic. When I remember to use them, I save a lot of valuable lung power that is put to better use screaming while I unload the dishwasher.