Pocketful of Hate

You don’t have to try very hard for me to hate you. That whole thing about “innocent until proven guilty” doesn’t apply here. I hate you until you give me a reason not to.
If it is your goal for me to never get beyond hating you, all you have to do is one thing. And actually, you don’t even have to do anything. You have to say it. So you can be lazy and just lie on your sofa like a canister of kaka as you say it. And that is this:

Is that a ________ in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

That’s aaaaaall you have to say. Those 15 words (assuming you fill in the blank with just one word).
And here you thought you had to join my gym and, like, take off your shoes and socks and stretch with Dynabands for me to hate you!
Don’t you love me for making it all so much easier? (And cheaper!)