SoHo No-Show

Hip VIP!
If only you’d emailed me today, you would have known that I wasn’t feeling well all afternoon and spent the bulk of it alternating between reading a book and indulging in a rather deep sleep where I dreamt I was the only brunette Brady sister and was ostracized more than Jan ever was because this meant that I ruined the sibling symmetry. (Pointing out that little bespectacled, blond cousin Oliver could help rebalance the scale did nothing to endear me to the rest of the family, and even Alice refused to acknowledge me.)
I was feeling so intensely under the weather (or above it, given my superiority complex) that I didn’t even use my two tickets to paradise.* You know the bloom is off Jodi Brady’s cheeks when she can’t even muster the luster to strut down to the new Bloomingdale’s in SoHo for a special “happening” the day before the store’s official opening to the general public.
If we’d Instant Messaged each other today, you and I, this is what we would have said:

JodiFan4U: SoHo, Jo?
Tofuju: No.
Tofuju: No go.
JodiFan4U: Jo! No!
Tofuju: No show.
JodiFan4U: Oh no!
Tofuju: Woe.
JodiFan4U: Jo?
JodiFan4U: Jo?
JodiFan4U: Yo! Jo?
JodiFan4U: Jo?
Tofuju: AUTO RESPONSE: I am napping!!!

But you didn’t write. You didn’t care. If you had, I would have shown my appreciation for your concern by presenting you with the two tickets when you came over to my house with an arsenal of things to make me feel better. Except you would have brought chicken soup, thinking it would be cute because you know I’m Jewish, and you would have even joked about it being “Jewish penicillin”, and then I’d have to hate you not only for that limp reference but for the chicken soup because really, if you knew me at all, you’d know I don’t eat chicken and consider thin brothy soups a waste of time.
It would have been the thought that counted, of course, but I would have wondered what you were thinking.
So we all missed out. No go a-gogo! Whoa!
* If you are prompted for a username and password at the New York Times site, use these, which I created just for you: Jodiverse (username) and prettyjodi (password). See? I can be very helpful when I want to be!