The joy over my new arrival didn’t last long. Just like with my second-born, the thrill was fleeting.
The vacuum cleaner was returned to Bed Bath & Beyond, almost as quickly as I’d returned the baby to its maker. (And by maker, I mean the divine one … not its father, who was divine for the one night it took to make ‘n’ bake the bun in my oven, but that’s about it, the louse!) After all, I don’t waste my time with anything that doesn’t live up to my expectations. And true true true, my expectations are quite high, but what can I do, I’m a perfectionist and I expect and accept nothing but perfection.
The thing was, the cordless vacuum cleaner sucked at sucking. I tried to convince myself the trade-off was acceptable, and that what the vacuum lacked in suction, it more than made up for with its cordlessness. That’s like dating a guy who sucks in the sack but is independently wealthy. Sort of. Everything’s a trade-off, I know. Everything’s a compromise, I know. But come on, we’re talking about me here, and I refuse to settle.
What does this all mean, then? Other than that my young son is now being raised in heaven instead of a trailer park in Alabama or Mississippi or Arkansas? It means I was forced to order this. (Hello, Yellow!) Supposedly it never loses suction, and as I have learned by now, this is a feature that definitely makes someone or something a keeper!