If you don’t get Word of the Day — as I do, and as all the cool kids do— you may want to ask someone who does what the big fun word in the title is. (It’s even more fun than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! and antidisestablishmentarianism!) Don’t bother asking your dad, because he’ll just tell you to look it up in the dictionary the way he does when you want to know how a word is spelled. Your dad, by the way, does not tell you to do these things because he wants to encourage you to learn on your own and foster a love of language, but because he does not know what any words mean or how to spell them. Your dad is a dunderpate.
So, anyway. Today’s the first Friday the 13th since February. I know you were wondering when it was, and you knew you could come here to be educated. See, I, unlike your dad, care deeply about you and your capacity for knowledge. Did you know that it’s bad luck to even mention that today is bad luck? Well, it is. Trust me. I know things. I also know why bad things happen to good people. (Hint: Because they deserve it! Good people are boring!)
Of course, in order to ward off evil, I have taken matters into my own very capable (and educated) hands and have preemptively stricken my black cat with a variety of sticks in honor of today. Next I will topple all ladders I see so no one gets bad luck by inadvertently walking under one. Too bad for whomever happens to actually be on the ladder. And those of you who purposely walk under the ladders, to defy the bad luck? Well, good fucking luck, thrill-seekers!