The other morning, while walking home from the gym, I was fantasizing about the recent additions I’ve made to my Fall wardrobe. I could barely contain my excitement as images of corduroy, suede, and cashmere swirled in my imagination in a cornucopia of colors such as espresso, acorn, persimmon, camel, and ivy. After years of limiting myself to a palette of black, gray, and white, with the occasional madcap dash of rogue color, the mere thought of these new components was almost enough to cause me to drop to the pavement, weeping, flailing, and speaking in tongues.
So I was coloring my world and imagination, fairly skipping toward home, where I could stand in front of all these new acquisitions and weep, flail, and tongue-speak to my crimson heart’s enthusiastic content, when I realized that this infusion of a new range of colors meant that I could finally start accessorizing my new ensembles with a bit more pizazz. Since I was no longer chained to black, I could now enjoy options I had theretofore discarded as out of the question.
“But you know what?” I said to myself as I grabbed my own shoulder in excitement. “I don’t want to just get a little multi-colored dog to carry around in a Louis Vuitton tote. Howzabout I start a new trend and start accessorizing with babies instead? And I won’t have to limit myself to basic babies without much embellishment or flair. My collection can certainly include a wide variety now that I’d expanded the colors of my clothing! Oh, and just think about the mix-n-match possibilities!”
I giggled to myself, covering my mouth demurely, and realized that I was letting my imagination get the better of me. “That’s just crazy,” I reminded myself. “And besides, everyone knows babies are really expensive.”
And just then, at that precise moment, I looked down and saw this ad:
Eyes blacked out to protect babies’s privacy
It was this that caught my attention:
Ignoring the possibility that a vagrant had used this slightly damp ad as a vehicle with which to remove errant fluids from his person, I peeled it off the sidewalk and lifted it up for a closer look. Check out the selection: