Four Irritants

The following four things annoy me on a level akin to hatred, but because I’m trying to clean up my act*, I have decided to categorize them as mere irritants and not reasons to want to murder their perpetrators:

  • When A asks B, “Where is C?” and B says to A, “I don’t know. I didn’t know it was my turn to watch him.” (This also works for other letters of the alphabet. I am singling out A, B, and C here for purposes of the example only and do not mean to imply that they are guilty of this offense.)

  • When someone says, “She cleans up good.” This does not refer to housekeeping services, but to when someone gets dressed up. “Cleans up good” makes me think of the person scrubbing a damp, rough washcloth over a few select body parts and dousing perfume on those left unscrubbed. It also makes me think the person saying “cleans up good” just ate a messy sandwich dripping with thousand island dressing, a slick fat drop of which he fails to notice clinging to his tobacco-stained mustache.
  • Sensitive portraiture of homeless people sleeping on cardboard boxes with newspaper blankets in close proximity to store windows featuring displays of luxuriant beds appointed with voluptuous quilts.
  • Any mention of “world domination” (bonus bile points if followed by “mwahahahaha” or “bwahahahaha”).

* Not really