That’s about the size of it

I know everything’s gotta be not only “supersized” these days but superduperwowowowowgluttonsized, but there are some things that should just be left alone. Why, for instance, did Ferrero have to tinker with its adorable tastebud treats, Tic Tacs, and enlarge them by 30%? Did anyone ever say, “Man oh man, I wish that Tic Tac could’ve lasted longer! Now what’m I gonna do with the rest of my day?” I am now lamenting that this cute little mint can no longer be referred to as the “one and a half calorie breath mint” but instead must now be known as “too fattening for anorexic me circa 1977 because there’s no way I could have justified that additional fraction of a calorie, no thank you, a peeled cucumber slice is just fine, really”.
And why oh why oh WHY did the good people at Mars have to go and fuck with the M&M? It’s bad enough they had to screw around and make them in cartoon colors (what’s wrong with gentle earth tones?). But now, to further ruin a classic, they’re offering these marvelous mini morsels in “mega” size. I see that they still bear the lowercase “m” identifier (to avoid confusion with off-brand imposters, such as the inferior “n&n’s”). Shouldn’t the new, larger version be stamped with an uppercase “M”? I’d hate to think that someone would confuse the two varieties and suffer dire, perhaps life-threatening consequences from consuming 55% more choco goodness. At least Mars, unlike Ferrero, offers the option of sticking with the classic or going for the gusto.
On the other side of the candy coin, another thing that has baffled me for decades (no lie! decades!) is why the smaller candy bars, usually given out at Hallowe’en, are designated as “fun size”. There is nothing fun about knowing you only have two bites of delicious candy before you are zapped back into non-sweet reality. There is no fun in such limitation. Shouldn’t the superduperohmygodfatso-size candy bars now available (“king size”) be labelled as “fun size” since we all now know (thanks, Mars! thanks, Ferrero!) that bigger (and thus longer-lasting) means funner?
“Geez, Jodi,” you’re saying through a mouth crammed with middle-of-the-road chocolate. “Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal.”
To you I say, “You’re right, glutton gut. It’s not a big deal. It’s a super-mega-giganto deal.” (And then I say, “Blow me” as I produce an enormous Charms Blow Pop the size of my head and run away crying.)
Dandy!
P.S. The day they change the font of the “m” on the M&M is the day I take major action.