Year in Review

Around this time of year, the media bombards a hooey-hungry public with all sorts of annoying “year in review” retrospectives. I shun VH1, one of the worst offenders, and all its variations, and avoid TV in general just so I won’t be subjected to even the glimmiest glimpse. I do not read magazines anymore (my subscription to Allure has lapsed, and I have stopped pretending to pore over the pages of Time Out New York for interesting activities and events to attend), so I do not have to worry about seeing all sorts of lists of what was hot and what was not in 2005.
But I am still a fan of this here World Wide Web, so I cannot avoid this nonsense quite so readily as I would hope. And it just so happens that one of my most favoritest online personalities ever (I won’t tell you who it is!) included a “year in review” meme on his/her (see! I won’t even reveal his/her gender!) site, so I had a little looksee. And you know what? I decided to jump on the bandwagon! That’s right! Even though I was not “tagged” to do it, I am doing it. I guess I’m really a big fat conformist after all, despite my railing to the contrary. But that’s OK. I resolve in 2006 to join everyone else in becoming the unique snowflake that all the self help books tell me I am.
Here is the meme: “Go to your blog [site/journal/pink cloth-bound diary with tiny heart-shaped key] and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line (or so) [on your blog], and that’s your “Year In Review”.
And here is my year. Hold onto your hats, kids. It was a wild one.
New Year. Wow. Thrilling.
When I was younger, I used to spend an inordinate amount of time marvelling over quite a lot of stuff.
He was there when I boarded the train, but he didn’t see me until the crush pushed itself out onto the platform at Jay Street/Borough Hall.
As if their merchandise isn’t cheap and tacky enough, now … this?
All right, so listen up, people. (Kyria, don’t read on if you want to maintain the illusion that I am worthy of your friendship. Please. I beg of you.)
Kelly Ripa: flesh or wax? Help me out.
As promised, here are photos of my patient:
The other day I found a ten-dollar bill in the pocket of my jeans. By the way I acted, you would’ve thought I’d found a love letter from Lance Kerwin or an autographed photograph of the Loch Ness Monster.
I may show you a photo tomorrow.
I recently changed the “cover” of my Dogabout photo album from the Bernese Mountain Dog puppy, which I’d been using since the creation of the album, to my sweet Sara.
Please immediately refrain from referring to a generalized “memo” when someone of your acquaintance asks you if you are privy to certain information or a situation about which you were thitherto unaware.
How do I say this delicately? Let me try. Upstairs neighbors, would you kindly stop being such inconsiderate fucks?
So, in short, you learned very little about me except that I have a special place in my heart for Lance Kerwin and the Loch Ness Monster. I challenge VH1 to come up with more captivating fare.