I mean it this time

Dear Keyboard:
I apologize. Profusely. I know I promised I wouldn’t do it again. I gave you my word and swore on my honor and the graves of pretend relatives that I wouldn’t do it again, but baby, I just couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t.
See, I just don’t like eating at a regular table. It just doesn’t feel right. I like eating wasabi rice crackers at my desk, where I feel most at home. I’m sorry if you suffer the crumby consequences, but please know that I don’t mean to hurt you.
Forgive me, baby?
All my love,