Checking Out

I’m going to open a bank. It will only accept checks that are standard in design and not embellished with images of Warner Brothers or Disney characters or any other representations of comic strips or animation, such as Ziggy or The Simpsons. It will refuse to acknowledge checks adorned with flowers, rainbows, fluffy kittens, and any other precious thing. Customers won’t be warned of this restriction beforehand, but anyone who presents such a check to one of my tellers will be forced to pay a steep penalty and to hand over the check for immediate introduction to a Zippo lighter.