I need you!

Would you please entertain me? Please? I am preoccupied with … stuff. I have … stuff to do. I know I keep saying I am preoccupied, but I really am. Tell me something. Anything. A knock-knock joke. A joke about someone’s knockers. Tell me about your cheap knockoff handbag that looks like a Kate Spade and smells like a Kate Spade and tastes like a Kate Spade but which you got for a song instead of hundreds of wasted dollars. Tell me about your lunch. Your dinner. Your breakfast. A snack. Tell me what you’re wearing, what you wish you were wearing, and what you’re doing tonight. Tell me who should win American Idol.
Something. Anything.
I really need diversion from my own preoccupation. So please help me out. Thanks!
P.S. This means leave comments. :o)
P.P.S. Please continue to comment on “Tiny Dancer”, too. (Scroll down.) You are doing a very fine job of amusing me!
UPDATE (5 April, 1:52 p.m.):  The comment-spamming became intolerable and too burdensome, so, sadly, I am closing comments for this entry and also for “Tiny Dancer” (although that entry is now off the main page and is thus incapable of receiving comments anymore anyway). Thanks to all of you who participated and kept me smirking. I love you all. As a special treat, I may open comments on a new entry. That is, when I actually get around to writing one.