Weighty Issue

I wholeheartedly agree that childhood obesity is a serious national problem that needs to be addressed. My problem with it isn’t that the fat kids are just so goshdurn fat and that their health (and popularity!) is in jeopardy, but that they’re really making me look bad. It’s just not fair when a little kid has a bigger rack than I do. (And that’s just the boys.) Therefore, childhood obesity must stop. THE END