I know that loose ends make you feel incomplete and on edge and you just can’t sleep until you have them all resolved and everything is tied into a nice neat knot that you can gaze at with a sense of safety and satisfaction that, yes, everything is right with the world, so I am here to tidy up a few ends that I have left loose long enough to cause you great discomfort. Because while nothing makes me happier than to cause people a token dose of discomfort, just to keep them on their toes, I am not a total sadist.
So here, in no sense of order, in order to avoid any accusations that I regard one matter as more worthy of resolution than another, are the ends, appropriately unloosened:

  • In the pressing matter of tuber taking, I am proud to announce that I was just yanking your chain, gang. As tempted as I am, on a regular basis, to act like the rules that apply to ordinary people just don’t apply to me, I must say that I would never take a vegetable that did not belong to me without paying for it in some way. Although if I did keep my shekels to myself, I would indeed be paying for it, in the form of searing guilt and a perpetual sinking feeling in my dark, black soul, both of which would put almost as much of a damper on my day as not having had an onion to call my own in the first place.
  • I do not know if the poll can be turned off (unlike ME! LOLOLOL!), but I am hereby declaring it officially closed, with a healthy and very much appreciated 115 votes. Almost half (48%) of the respondents thought Franz K. was the cutest. I am proud to announce that I was one of the 55 who thought so. (This, thus, is the CORRECT answer.) A cool 36% (41 voters) thought Selma B. was quite the cutie, which I don’t quite get because she looks me in seventh grade, which is the time of my life when I felt the most unadorable. And this Jesus C. fellow received only 17% (19) of the votes. I guess he’ll just have to work a little harder at looking cute with lambs in the future, if he knows what’s good for him. (Frankly, I think he was not only cheating, but showing off quite a bit, by using more than one lamb to make his case.)
  • Despite her tagging me to do a hideous “meme”, Kyria and I are still in love. (Even though she thinks this dress isn’t hideous.)

Sleep well.