Remember way back when, when an ordinary trip to Fairway yielded a receipt for the satanic sum of $6.66? Remember when you guessed, per my invitation, what two items I bought that brought Satan into my life? Remember when you were still interested? And then remember when, after repeatedly coming back here, hoping I’d finally do the big reveal, I still kept the big secret, and you thought, “Ahhh, screw this. It was probably something stupid anyway. C’mon … let’s all go out for sno-cones and miniature golf!”?
Well, here’s your answer:
Orville Redenbacher Smart Pop popcorn and a six-pack of 24-ounce bottles of Poland Spring. (Not indicated on the receipt: The popcorn was a three-pack and the Poland Spring included SPORT CAPS. You see, God is in the details, and I think it is important to evoke God just to balance out all this talk of that other fellow. [And no, I don’t mean Mr. Redenbacher.])
I didn’t think so.