The following three lines must be forbidden from ever passing anyone’s lips — posthaste, pronto, and immediately, if not sooner:

  1. “Like white on rice”
  2. “Don’t give up your day job”
  3. “If I were a [glockenspiel/potsticker/Jodi’s cell phone, which has been MIA for several days/whatever], where would I be?”

If you know what’s good for you (other than folic acid, flossing, and iced coffee), you will not only comply but vehemently encourage their demise as well.
I thank you.