Somehow, somewhere along the line, someone got it in his or her head that I am a charitable sort, a giver not a taker (in addition to a lover not a fighter), and that I don’t just give a hoot but also money. This is evidenced by the abundance of bulky envelopes I receive in the mail, containing all sorts of pleas for my contribution to a variety of organizations that think I care about foodless children and beakless chickens. Included with the letters (addressed to me! personally!) telling me I can help out by opening my heart and my wallet are GIFTS as a special advance thank-you/guilt device in the form of return address labels/stickers (hereinafter referred to just as “stickers” even though I am tempted to hereinafter refer to them as “ohmygodyaysomuchfun”).
Now, see, I must confess that I rarely send in a contribution. (If I do, I am sure you know I care more about rebeaking chickens than I do about feeding children. It’s just that I would rather converse with a chicken than feed it to a child, and I can’t do that effectively if the chicken has trouble enunciating properly.) But I always like the stickers. However, I am always faced with this quandary: Can I use the them if I do not send a contribution? My dislike of the simple task of writing my return address stuff on bills (yes, I still pay some of them by mail) (and this shocks you, knowing what an old-fashioned girl I am?) is in direct proportion to the pleasure I derive from peeling stickers off a plasticky sheet of paper, so I am left clutching, in one hand, the plea-letter already torn in half (thus signalling my rejection of the plea) and ready for recycling, and, in the other, a sheet of stickers that will get me through a year of bills and thus save me precious minutes by this time next year, wondering if it’s right to keep the gift when I don’t necessarily “deserve” it.
What do you do? (Other than, of course, not only contribute money but build houses with Habitat for Humanity and host dinner parties for hungry child hobos.)
P.S. The latest batch came addressed to “Jodii [last name]”. Apparently I am so fabulous that I am now plural.