Worm eye?

Okay, so where’m I? I’m not home, that’s for goll-dang sure. I’m not anywhere in Manhattan or the tri-state area (which I think for New York includes Connecticut and New Jersey) (my “tri-state area” reference is still set by default on “Pennsylvania”, even though I have not lived there for more than seven years). All I know is that I am not in a state that rhymes with Stew Pork, and I am not quite sure there are any Jews or scrambled tofu within a 200-mile radius.
Your challenge: Tell me where I am. (And if you already know, pretend you don’t, and tell me where you wish I were.)
And … go!