Since I know most people don’t like loose ends (unless they’re chubby chasers), I have decided to take a moment from biting my lower lip until it bleeds (for no reason) and playing Scrabulous (probably the reason for the lip-biting, on second thought) (competition is fierce, my friends) to settle a few pressing concerns raised in earlier entries this month.
- In Fiction or Non-Fiction?, where I asked if a certain scenario in Whole Foods really happened, the answer is Nope. Come on!. Of 57* votes, 79% (45) were “yes” and 21% (12) were “no”.
- In Name My Shame, the answer is watch American Idol. But because no one answered correctly, I will not reveal my “favorites”. (Thank you very much to those who participated — five people whom I hold in the highest and most hallowed of estimation — while those of you who did not play along may as well have kicked a puppy while holding a block of tofu hostage, or the other way around.)
- In Exclusive! Not available on iTunes!, yes, the chord organ crowd-pleaser was indeed lovingly performed by me and painstakingly mixed to perfection by me here in my in-house studio by me.
So now you know.
Good day, good night, and thank you for the celery.
* 57 always seems like a number used to indicate a rather crazed count, e.g. “Oh, I have 57 different things on my plate today!” or Heinz 57 sauce, but I assure you this is the actual number of votes at the time of this writing. (P.S. The poll is officially closed, but I do not know how to tell it to stop accepting votes. It’s like a promiscuous teenaged daughter that way.)
Hey, if they need candy to get through a day of doing their job, then you also need candy to do the same thing! 🙂
It’s like food in an office fridge:
No Name, Fair Game.
Didn’t those selfish shrews watch “Sesame Street” and learn about sharing? No, they were probably reading women’s magazines….
When I was unfortunately chained to the corporate world, I not only brazenly helped myself to other people’s candy, I demanded candy from anyone who expected me to attend a meeting.
If office people expect their candy stashes to go unmolested, they need to lock their drawers and hide the keys.
It’s just a damn shame we have to review these rules- everyone should know them by now.
It’s the same thing with married women. I mean, if their husbands didn’t want me flirting with them, they’d keep them at home locked up, bareffot and pregnant in the kitchen.
I mean, it is the same. Right?
Right?
I took it one step further and pilfered their stash of Post-it Notes and rubberbands! They’re less fattening.
Dan- be careful when helping yourself to those tasty office fridge morsels. I’ve been known to put Ex-Lax in my lunch just to see who was stealing it. The person who made numerous trips to the bathroom paid and paid and paid!
I found that writing “stool sample” on top of my Styrofoam lunch container tended to keep lookieloos out of my food.