The Lock Mode

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This sign, posted on the outside of the men’s room at Veggie Heaven in Teaneck, New Jersey, is marvelous enough on its own. But you have to wonder — or at least you do if you are I (yes, that’s proper grammar — stilted, sporting a natty silk ascot and strolling down the avenue with a carved ivory walking stick, but, yes, proper, and thus I must use it because someone has to be the queen of propriety, and I accept the duty even before it has been officially presented to me) — what precipitated its creation. How many times and with what variety of vigor did someone have to jiggle, rattle, and otherwise molest the door handle so that this carefully worded sign was warranted?
I was reminded, of course, of my own experience in a ladies room a few years ago, and I invite you to remember it too.
Also remember: You love coming here because you know I rattle your brain. I challenge you to consider mind-bending cerebellum-wringers so deep and controversial that they have no chance of ever being up for distaff discussion on the “Hot Topics” segment of “The View”.