Nineteen days ago, I posted a poll asking a question of enormous significance; in short, whether I had sucked chocolate out of a throw pillow. Fifty-five of you, eager to make the world a better place by exercising your right to vote (and, for the women among you, making Susan B. Anthony proud), participated. The breakdown of results is as follows:
64% (35 votes) voted Yes. Of course you did.
36% (20 votes) voted No. You are better than that.
At long last, the majority vote was correct! Congratulations to those of you who knew the depths and/or lengths to which I will go to make sure that no chocolate goes to waste. I suppose that the 20 of you who thought I was a lot classier (thank you, by the way) took the “stale Russell Stover” wording at face value, rather than realizing that I was just, in the parlance of the exceedingly well-bred, “funning” you. Had you truly recognized my class, you would have known that it has been years since the days when I would plop a three-year-old melted-and-rehardened-15-times-over Hershey kiss discovered, in all its flaky foiled glory, in an old purse, into my mouth without hesitation. The chocolate that the pillow tried to pilfer was Dagoba (lavender variety, in honor of bumblebees everywhere).
Next: I suck eggplant parmigiana from a sleeping bag!