When Maura was 12 and her “big teeth” were firmly in place, she orchestrated a playground accident that had her falling on her face onto the blacktop seven feet below the monkey bars where she had stood, peeling a pretend banana.
When the dentist remarked that she was brave to be grinning when she broke eight teeth, Maura said, “I don’t care, because you’re going to replace them with pearls!”
The dentist laughed and said, “Not real pearls, but just as pretty.”
Maura said she didn’t mind if they were cultured or natural, just as long as they were pearls.
I knew they did this weird-ass kinky shit (sic) at those supposedly ‘legitimate’ massage parlors.
But to think that all this time I could have been getting a rub and a tug with my moo goo gai pan… That just really steams me.
That steamed dump was the best I’ve ever had.