Guys naturally took to Maura and her big, round, faux pearl teeth. It may have had something to do with the playground rumors; that Maura was like Tara Lipschitz, only better. Tara had gotten her tongue pierced the previous summer, and her boyfriend, Barry Stock, said that when she sucked his dick under the bleachers at Christa McAuliff Junior High, it was impossible for him to hold back his load for longer than three minutes. (Years later Barry would lament that he once took such a perverse sort of pride in his lack of sexual stamina. Twenty years of the appropriate nickname Three-minute-Barry will do that to you.)
But Maura, with her eight rounded bicuspids and incisors, didn’t need to concern herself with a derth of unsuitable suitors. And she had the 21 pearl necklaces to prove it, each one glistening like the oral orbs that would eventually make her the highest paid escort in Washington, DC.