Off the Cuff

I can appreciate many forms of hybrids — mules and hinnies and zorses and zonies and zonkeys (among other animals), automobiles, flowers, peanut butter in my chocolate or chocolate in my peanut butter* — but this is completely unacceptable:


Click for more gorgeous views at Lulu’s!
You know, I like Lulu’s as much as the next trendy teenager eager to spruce up her back-to-school wardrobe with a few MUST HAVES, and have even, in my gigglier moments, been known to buy a few items there (but not without fretting ad nauseam that I will look like “mutton masquerading as lamb”). Still, these shoes are particularly ill-advised even for misguided, mush-brained maidens whose shoebellum has not yet fully developed.
“Is it a boot? Is it a pump? It is both and soooo cute,” says Lulu’s.
“Is it an abomination? Is it an eyesore? It is both and soooo hideous,” says Jodi.
*As an anxious and much troubled young girl, I could never decide whether I would rather be the person grasping the jar of Jif or the one wielding the hunk of Hershey’s. Just like I could never decide if I’d rather have a really small body with an enormous head or an enormous body with a tiny head. (And by “really small body with an enormous head”, I’m not just talking of the current “bobblehead” trend among Hollywood’s malnourished so-called starlets. That phenomenon did not exist then.)

Wait. This isn’t the first time she’s shown us a particularly putrid pair of shoes, is it? No. No, it is not.
Perhaps of non-shoe-related interest (I have not read it yet): Zonkeys Are Pretty Much My Favorite Animal