Off the Cuff

I can appreciate many forms of hybrids — mules and hinnies and zorses and zonies and zonkeys (among other animals), automobiles, flowers, peanut butter in my chocolate or chocolate in my peanut butter* — but this is completely unacceptable:

Click for more gorgeous views at Lulu’s!
You know, I like Lulu’s as much as the next trendy teenager eager to spruce up her back-to-school wardrobe with a few MUST HAVES, and have even, in my gigglier moments, been known to buy a few items there (but not without fretting ad nauseam that I will look like “mutton masquerading as lamb”). Still, these shoes are particularly ill-advised even for misguided, mush-brained maidens whose shoebellum has not yet fully developed.
“Is it a boot? Is it a pump? It is both and soooo cute,” says Lulu’s.
“Is it an abomination? Is it an eyesore? It is both and soooo hideous,” says Jodi.
*As an anxious and much troubled young girl, I could never decide whether I would rather be the person grasping the jar of Jif or the one wielding the hunk of Hershey’s. Just like I could never decide if I’d rather have a really small body with an enormous head or an enormous body with a tiny head. (And by “really small body with an enormous head”, I’m not just talking of the current “bobblehead” trend among Hollywood’s malnourished so-called starlets. That phenomenon did not exist then.)

Wait. This isn’t the first time she’s shown us a particularly putrid pair of shoes, is it? No. No, it is not.
Perhaps of non-shoe-related interest (I have not read it yet): Zonkeys Are Pretty Much My Favorite Animal

0 thoughts on “Off the Cuff

  1. What happened to all the nuts in your scoop of maple walnut ice cream, Jodi? Maybe it’s your (disgusting) habit to eat them first? Or maybe you were attacked by hungry squirrels who stole the nuts but left the ice cream (it makes their whiskers all sticky)?

  2. You will note that the scoop has a sad face, which given the fact that its destination is Jodi’s lips, is completely ridiculous. Heaven awaits, my sweet and creamy friend!

  3. Two things are off:
    1. The flowers are part of a photograph, not a real garden.
    2. There is no chocolate in the ice cream. Not even sprinkles or mini morsels.

  4. You’re eating squirrel brains, which judging by the contusions on the left hemisphere, were fished from the lifeless pulp of Mr. Rodent meets Mr. Bumper at accelerated rate of speed.
    Odd for a vegan.

  5. I’d have taken something akin to the “squirrel brains” and/or roadkill route – thanks A LOT D’s (have you MISSED ME? LOTS AND LOTS???? WHY AM I YELLING?????)… Hmmmmm.

    God. I’m weary. I’m just going to go with the idea that sugar cone prophylactic device seems ill-fitting; and not only does it look like it lacks in protective qualities, it blocks part of milady’s perfect manicure. That’s fingernail blasphemy I believe…

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